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Before I get into the top ten finishing moves of all time according to me, I just want to make it clear I haven’t watched wrestling in about 10 years. So if you are going to complain that my lists is out of date according and that I’m missing John Cena’s “Attitude Adjustment” or whatever they made him change it too then all if have to say to you is FU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VuFhTUi_9Y

Here we go.

10.) Rikishi-Stink Face http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTzxrSHRxJE&feature=related

As my friend Josh Nimmer would say, “you gotta give props were props are due.” I don’t think that statement could be any truer for the guy who put together a 9-minute montage of Rikishi doing the “Stinkface.” My hat is off to whoever did this though, you truly are a great American.  This move makes the list solely because it is the one finishing move I would truly be scared to have happen to me.  Not only does Rikishi probably weigh well over 400 pounds, he’s also wearing a thong!!! My guess is that whoever is in charge of the WWE wardrobe gave up on finding wrestling bottoms that fit Rikishi and said “screw it, there’s no way this guy will last in wrestling anyways with a finishing move like that.”  The 9-minute video proved that guy wrong.

9.) X-Pac-Bronco Buster http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GGwOxhkoP4

Because any move that has one man humping another has to be in the top 10 wrestling moves of all time.  I would love to have seen X-Pac and the rest of his buddies sitting around, brainstorming about what his finishing move should be and the look of horror his friends gave him when he ran the “bronco buster” past them. My guess is that they tried to tell him that the move wasn’t such a good idea but keep in mind X-Pac also made a sextape with Chyna http://www.lethalwow.com/bios/chynaimage3.jpg , whose gender has still never been determined. My feeling is that X-Pac had the personality of that one friend we all have who gets drunk and does stupid things and there’s no stopping him or talking him out of the stupid/dangerous/reputation damaging thing he is about to do.  Only in this case, this was X-Pac’s personality everyday.

8.) Petey Williams-The Canadian Destroyer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YBs3I8kDuw

I wanted to add a little international flair to the top 10, so I looked no further then to our friends up North in Canada.  I have no idea who Petey Williams is, but anyone who goes by Petey as a grown man is okay in my book. Plus, my guess is you wouldn’t make fun of his name to his face after you saw him pull the Canadian Destroyer on the last guy who was brave enough to call him out for it.  My question to Petey is “what makes you even come up with a move like that and how many people were paralyzed while practicing it?”

7.) Edge and Goldberg’s- Spear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eO5HVMK7kw&feature=related

I’m not really sure who did the “spear first” and frankly I don’t feel like researching it either but I’ll give credit to both Edge and Goldberg for this move. The “spear” is probably the most simplistic of moves in my top 10 but also the most violent.  I also think I like this move because I think I could pull it off rather easily myself.  So consider this a warning to anyone in the future who picks a fight with me, the spear is coming and after I spear you through a table you better believe your night will be over quicker then Brett Hart’s career http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFYXYQ1gvCQ .

6.) Goldust- Shattered Dreams http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVeyA-mrMZ8

If wrestling were real and don’t tell this guy that it isn’t http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvTNyKIGXiI , Goldust would be directly responsible for ending the dreams of ever having kids for half of the wrestling world.  I guess it’s only right for a cross dressing, freak’s http://www.softcom.net/users/abingham/goldust.jpg finishing move to involve the male genitals in some form or fashion.  I can remember being afraid of many things as I child but none scared me more then Goldust http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/photosizer/upload/goldust2120210.jpg . How did Vince McMahon ever give the green light for the whole Goldust act? Let’s just move on and pretend Goldust never existed.

5.) Undertaker- Tombstone Piledriver http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxD37Ao6Qyo

By all accounts Undertaker is a really nice guy with a sense of humor outside of the ring, which I find a little strange considering he’s persona in the ring has to do with death and despair.  Kudos to him for not letting his work mix with his personal life.  The “Phenom” has been a staple of wrestling for my entire life, to this day if I happen to flip on wrestling I always feel like he is wrestling and I think to myself, no way that cannot be the same guy.  But sure enough, it’s him.  While he doesn’t have the athleticism that he was once had when he broke into wrestling, I feel like a loser for even knowing that, the “Tombstone Piledriver” is a move Undertaker will still be using when he’s wrestling in “WrestleMania XLVIII.

4.) Rey Mysterio-619 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZiIzFM-TNA

Anytime I play a wrestling video game, which is rare nowadays, but not so rare circa 2005, I was always Rey Mysterio because he had the best finishing move in the game.  If he would have been a bigger superstar he would have probably been number 1, but I can’t just put him that high. It’s hard not to root for the underdog and Rey Mysterio has always been then underdog because of his size, plus he also raps his own song, which you can hear in the video above.  If you ask me he has just as much talent as Pitbull.  Rey Mysterio’s 619 is like poetry in motion and I don’t have the journalistic ability to put it into words, so just watch and enjoy.

3.) Stone Cold- Stone Cold Stunner http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDgsbA0zkNI

Looking back, all Stone Cold Steve Austin was, was a drunk, trash talking, hillbilly. Funny thing is, I now say the same thing about Brett Favre. Had to do it, sorry.  But ask any 12 year old at the height of Austin 3:16 and Stone Cold was the biggest badass on the face of the planet.  What made him so cool is that he had absolutely no respect for authority, Vince McMahon, and he did whatever he wanted to do.  I still get jacked when I hear Austin’s entrance music come on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TwLOOFvzS4 . And let’s not forget no one has ever been able to rock a vest like Stone Cold could. http://www.wrestlingvalley.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/stone-cold.jpg To this day I still will argue that Stone Cold made those vest himself, just look how tacky that thing is.  Tell me you can’t see Steve, 12 beers in, sewing a skull onto his $19.99 vest from Fleet Farm.  Oh yeah, the stunner was just awesome.

2.) Shawn Michaels-Sweet Chin Music aka Superkick http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2MhfmeJg6o

The “Heartbreak Kid” was arguably in more high profile matches then any other wrestler, he always brought his A game and you knew that you were in for a great match if he was involved.  He was also responsible, along with his buddy Triple H, for coming up with DX and coming up with our generation’s battle cry “SUCK IT!” Pretty impressive resume if you ask me.  One of life’s great mysteries, along with why the alphabet is in the order it is in, is how does the “Superkick” make that noise when Shawn Michaels connects with someone’s face.  For the life of me I cannot figure it out.

1.) The Rock-Rock Bottom & The People’s Elbow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BByG879x7c  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Drl70TSUS6E&feature=related

Okay, so maybe these moves are little lame when compared to the others above but since the Rock was my favorite wrestler his moves are number 1 in my book.  And you have to admit if you had to pick someone to make an elbow drop cool, you would pick the most electrifying man in the world, not to be confused with the most interesting man in the world http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/a5/The_most_interesting_man.jpg/150px-The_most_interesting_man.jpg .  My mom wouldn’t let me watch Power Rangers when I was young because I would get to hyper and start punching and kicking everything, The Rock had the same effect on me.  Whenever I would watch him I would get the urge to “Rock Bottom” my little brother into the couch and call him a Jabroni. One thing I never grasped either was how the Rock become the “People’s Champion.”  But I do love the he named everything on his body after it, from the “People’s eyebrow” to the “People’s elbow.” I wonder if he referred to his man meat as the “People’s penis”? But that’s a discussion for another day.  Anyways, if you don’t like my top ten , remember “It doesn’t matter what you think!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5gV-5bRfdI&feature=related

John Dekker

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