Looks like it’s that time of year again.  There’s always that moment when you freak out and realize the holidays are right around the corner and you NEED to stock up on priceless gifts for loved ones.  Hopefully this article will be of service to you in choosing a flawless gift for a loved one.  Many of you can probably just completely disregard this entire article because you will not consider these “family friendly” gifts.  Those of you who participate or want to participate in giving white elephant gifts will and should appreciate this one.  Before I begin I want to let you know I’ve never had more fun writing an article than while writing this one.  I will warn you – most of this has to do with completely inappropriate (toilet jokes) and hilarious holiday gifts.  With that said, here goes nothing…

My Top Ten “Gag Gifts” For The Holidays:

10.  Handerpants.

Yes, you guessed it.  Underpants for your hands.  This gift is perfect for the “butt-picker” of the family or the grown up who as a kid always had his hands in his pants.  You know who you are.  (Poop jokes/gifts are always a crowd pleaser and guarantees the reader will read on.)

9.  Weener Kleener.

There seems to be a common theme so far in this article; that will continue to be the case.  The Weener Kleener is by far the most useful gift one can give to the man of the house.  One tag line reads, “Good Clean Fun…”   One size fits most FYI.

8.  Obama TP.

Ok. Fine, I’m reaching with this one… Ha.  “He wiped up the presidential election, now you can wipe up your historical messes with his face.”  Guessing this one will have mixed reviews but for those who enjoy it will enjoy it twice as much for those who hate it.

7.  Buffalo Scrotum.

Yeah, sorry I had to.  I just feel bad for the (big) guy they stole these from.  Like it wasn’t funny enough already, the jokester that put this amazing gift up for sale on EBay included “art” and “tree ornament” in the title.  I’m appalled.

6.  Sling Shot Thong – Male & Female Versions (Brace Yourself)

I apologize.  I’m not even sure what to say about this one.  It’s just fun.

5.  Jelly of the Month Club T-Shirt

After that last one I had to tone it down a bit.  This one is just flat out funny if you get the joke.  Here’s the link (FF to 2:40) but I suggest you watch the entire movie after you finish reading this article if for some insane reason you’ve somehow been living under a rock for the past twenty plus years and haven’t seen this movie… you can thank me later.  Like Eddie says, “It’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year”.

4.  Inflatable Port A Potty.

For when you get that “I have to go NOW” urge.  If you haven’t already crapped your pants while blowing this sucker up, it’s a perfect gift for the male/female of the family with the stomach that rejects everything but a plate of toast…

3.  Manhood Mitten.

The reason I chose this one was for the disclaimer of – do not use as a condom.  Fun? Yes. Practical? Yes.  Let’s move on.

2.  Potty Putter.

For the guy/gal who takes their time while taking a squeegee.  The ever present question of, “What are they doing in there?” will now be answered with a simple answer – Golfing.

1.  8X10 Photo of Yourself Framed & Autographed (See Above – Laser background optional but highly recommended)

Cheap. Easy. Hilarious. Awkward. – It’s got everything a white elephant gift should include.  I mean look at the picture above.  I dare you not laugh at that.  If you were to receive that picture framed and autographed I guarantee you will have a smirk on your face for the rest of the night if not longer.

– B Merry