(This is supposed to be a funny/innocent article focused on the ridiculous cartoon underpants of the 90’s so please, NO SANDUSKY COMMENTS/JOKES.)
Remember when the biggest decision of your life in the first grade was which badass cartoon character you wanted to have on your underpants?
This article is my top 10 list of 90’s cartoon underpants, drawers, underkrackers, trollies, duds, keks, scivvies, unmentionables, briefs, budgie smugglers, etc.
If I could do it all over again…
10. Ninja Turtles – So I definitely owned a few pair of these bad boys back in the day but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do it all over again! As if a couple ninjas in masks with weapons weren’t sick enough… these turtles in a half shell loved to eat pizza and chilled out in their off time. (They were the number one cause for me wanting to be a pizza delivery guy when I “grew up”) By the way, The Ninja Turtles game at big wheel played a larger role in being the reason I never learned how to “Jam Skate” properly… If you don’t remember this level you were probably out holding hands with Brittany in a couples skate – how’d that end up for you???
9. Tale Spin Crew – 2 for 2 on pairs of grundies I owned back in the day. You have to be crazy if you didn’t watch this show. Baloo was one of the coolest cartoon characters of all time. First off, he was in The Jungle Book, which already gives him a head start on other cartoon characters. Let’s see what else………. He flew a sick plane known as The Sea Duck– check. Had a hot/smart woman bear Rebecca (who had an MBA) – check. Fought crime – check. I’d be honored to have him on my underpants again.
8. Gummi Bears – Who else pretended their Koolaid was the Secret Gummy Berry Juice? I swear it had an effect on me… after I chugged the Koolaid I’d be “bouncing here and there and everywhere” as the song goes. Probably just a sugar high, never the less, if I had these guys on my underpants I would be able to bounce higher, further, and more often no doubt.
7. Dexter – Dee Dee you are ruining my laboratory! I guarantee you I would laugh my ass off back in first grade if I knew every time I passed gas Dexter would give this face:
6. Duck Tales – The underpants would be made of gold and while wearing them I would instantly be able to dive into large sums of money head first without getting injured.
5. Bonkers – This one is on here strictly for the fact that I loved to just go completely Bonkers when the theme song came on. If I were to be wearing the underwear while watching the show – game over mom/dad.
4. Johnny Bravo – I picked Johnny Bravo simply for the fact that if I’m wearing Johnny Bravo on my underpants, I’d automatically turn into a ladies man. And in first grade that meant playing house and barbies with girls and getting hugs. Play on playa.
3. Chip ‘N Dale Rescue Rangers – “CH CH CH CHIP ‘N DALE…” – You all know how the theme song goes. According to Disney, Chip is the logical schemer, and Dale is the goofy, dim-witted one. Who wouldn’t want these guys on their tighty-whitys?!
2. Street Sharks – (http://youtu.be/NqGQyMF5a_0) Couple badass sharks doing badass shark-like things in the streets… toss ‘em on my underpants and I’d have more swag than a first grader with Street Shark fruit snacks in his/her lunch. “JAWESOME!”
- 1. Darkwing Duck – A cool intro song (http://youtu.be/375ENQbru8s) paired with a sick costume always equals 90’s cartoon success no matter what cartoon we’re talking about. Darkwing Duck creators did it right with both. FYI “Let’s Get Dangerous” WOULD NOT be featured on the underpants (DO NOT Enter a Sandusky joke here).
– B Childish.