Tags

, , , , , , ,

Tim Tebow has taken the nation and media hostage.  You can’t help but be enamored with how the guy plays and how his TEAM continues to pull out wins late in games week in and week out.  He is getting it done most of the time looking like he doesn’t have a fucking clue on how to play football, and then suddenly he flips on a switch and turns into a good NFL quarterback.  The media has seen the nations infatuation with this man and ESPN amongst other news outlets, only like they can do, have the sensationalist hyperbole machine running on full cylinders with Timmy.  You can’t watch ESPN for more than 10 minutes without seeing Skip Baylees’ or Steven A. Smith’s dumb face talking about Tebow, barking out nonsense and wondering if ESPN raided the mental ward to fill their sportscaster roster for the day.  Tebow has seemingly become the only story in the NFL this year, a year in which there are a lot of storylines in the NFL that should be getting more attention.  Just off the top of my head here are a few stories that are just as big, if not bigger, than Tim fucking Tebow.

1) The Packers.  Ever heard of them?  They won the Super Bowl last year, haven’t lost a game since week 15 last year, they are 3 games away from an undefeated season with two soft matchups (Chiefs and Bears) and one game that might be close if a few things go wrong (Lions), they are heavy favorites to win the Super Bowl again, and finally they are kicking ass and taking names, they aren’t squeaking out wins like Tebow, they are thoroughly dismantling teams with a surgeons precision on offense.  So yeah they should be getting more coverage.  2) Rookies playing significant starting roles on teams for the full season.  It’s not often you see a rookie come in the NFL and start from week 1 and stay a starter all year and produces like a top 10 player at his position.  This year Andy Dalton, A.J. Green, Julio Jones, Cam Newton, Von Miller, and Patrick Peterson are all doing just that, but yet you hear very little about them.  3.) Four, FOUR, quarterbacks are within a reasonable position to surpass Dan Marino’s single season passing yard record of 5,084 yards, a record that has stood since 1984.  Drew Brees, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and Eli Manning all have to average between 260-320 yards in their remaining 3 games to surpass that record.  I bet half the people who just read this point didn’t event know this record was going to be broken this year.

These are just a few stories that Tebow has hijacked and have forced to be a page away from the classified section of any newspaper you read.  With all that being said lets look at who can pull a Tebow this year in the NBA and steal the headlines with their performances; despite not putting up sexy numbers, looking awkward, if not flat out failing most of the time on the court, but yet will help their teams win games and will be given way to much credit for their teams success.

Jimmer Fredette

The odds on favorite to be Tim Tebow of the NBA.  He’s religious and not scared to use sports as his platform to testify his faith.  Only difference being Fredette is Mormon and Joseph Smith is basically his God and Fredette can have 27 wives if he pleases (can’t wait for basketball wives in 2028 when the whole cast consists of former Mrs. Jimmers) while Tebow believes in the traditional God/Jesus that most of America believes in, this could be a slight uphill battle for Fredette to win over the religious crowd of America.  On the court Jimmer is capable of pulling up from just about anywhere and knocking down a triple just like Tebow is capable of busting out a 40 yard run.  But also like Tebow, Jimmer has flaws, he can’t play defense, he will be exposed in the NBA and probably be a liability on defense just like how Tebow basically can’t throw a football (or even a spiral) for most of a full NFL game.  I cans see it now though, just wait until Jimmer starts hitting game winners, pulling up and making 3’s from half court, converts DeMarcus Cousins’, J.J. Hickson, and Tyreke Evans into Mormon’s and outstanding citizens and turns the Kings into a pseudo Western Conference title contenders, the media/ESPN will be begging to be his 13th wife.  Fredette is capable of stealing the NBA media spotlight and putting all other news in the back seat.

Marc Gasol/Zac Randolph

            Neither of these guys has what it takes individually to pull a Tebow on us, but together on the Grizzlies they could take America by storm.  Gasol is a bruiser who dominates the paint and doesn’t look pretty doing it (just like Tebow throwing) but he gets the job done and is an effective center in the league.  Randolph is a wildcard and one of the more entertaining guys to watch in the league.  He’s a big guy at 6’ 9” 260 but isn’t afraid to take a 30 ft. jumper with the game on the line.  He’s capable of dropping a triple double any night of the week and dominating a team in an entertaining way while he’s also capable of picking up 6 fouls in 3 minutes and picking a fight with anyone (fan, coach, ref, teammate, opponent) who gets in his way.  Randolph is also under investigation for being the head financier of a large multi-state marijuana ring, so he has that entrepreneurial spirit you like to see in a media darling.  The Grizzlies are an up an coming team and these two guys are a big reason why they become one of the better teams in the West (yes Memphis is in the Western Conference) this year and expect to hear a lot about both of them.

Brandon Jennings

            The third year point guard for the bucks is my sleeper pick to become the Tim Tebow of the NBA.  He’s got a lot of things going for him that makes him Tebowesque.  Jennings is completely capable of taking a game over and putting a team on his back and hitting a big shot, just like Tebow seems to put his team on his back in the 4th quarter.  Jennings already has a 50+ point game in his NBA career and is a very streaky shooter as he can miss 15 consecutive shots then drain 7 straight 3’s, sounds familiar about Tebow and passing?  Jennings also shot like 2% on shots around the lane last year; he can be absolutely awful at times.  Plus like Tebow, Jennings is left-handed so he has that going for him.  The Bucks, Jennings team, are much like the Broncos, a fringe playoff team.  If the Bucks are to make the playoffs it’s probably because Jennings is doing special things and will get more credit for the team winning than anyone else.

The Indiana Pacers

Yes, I am going with a whole team.  The whole Pacers team is like a team full of Tebow’s.  A bunch of try hards and overachievers who together win games since they play harder than anyone, but don’t have a whole lot of talent or guys you’d pick to build a team around.  Plus they have the original Tim Tebow, Tyler Hansbrough, before Tebow was dominating college football the spaz that is Tyler Hansbrough was dominating college basketball and held the media by the nuts.

Ricky Rubio

This Spanish bastard will be playing in his first NBA season this year.  Though he’s much hyped, he might not actually be very good, as he’s been playing in inferior leagues in Europe his whole career against guys who are slightly more athletic than Yi Jianlian’s chair.  All that we know about Rubio is that he can dribble between his legs and do cool no look passes behind his back.  Drive by any basketball court in an inner city in the U.S. and you can see 10 Ricky Rubio’s playing right now.  But if this guy turns out to be an actually good basketball player and pulls the Minnesota Timberwolves out of basketball purgatory all bets are off.  You might see Skip Bayless perform fellatio on Rubio live on TV and I wouldn’t be surprised.

Kevin Love

Love is an absolute beast, a near lock to post a double-double every single game (points and rebounds) and he does it while being undersized and the least athletic guy at his position in the NBA.  He would become a true America hero if he and the Timberwolves can figure out a way to win this year as they are going with the classic strategy of building your team around a 6’ 9” white un-athletic center who has to overcompensate with hustle (Love), 9 point guards, and Bonzi Wells, seems like a full-proof plan to me.  Love does everything the media loves to sensationalize, he’s a guy who doesn’t look the part but succeeds, he always plays hard, he’s white and the words “gamer” “grit” and “competitor” are thrown around more recklessly to describe him than weed and cocaine at a party hosted by Sam Hurd and finally if you watch a full game you will get a few laughs at how Love goes about doing his business on the court, just like Tebow.

Our nation loves Tebow so much right now it has brought me to try and find Tebow like athletes in other sports because I am no longer satisfied with how athletes perform in their respective sports without being able to compare their likeness to Timothy Richard Tebow.

– Tyler Free

Advertisements