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Move over Stevie Johnson, you are off of my “I am going to try to get this guy into every column I write because he is crazy” list (for now) and hello Stephen Jackson. This guy is officially 100% insane. His brain just functions on a different level than everybody else’s, and honestly I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing.

I’ll be honest, when I heard about the Bucks trade right before the lockout I literally laughed. They had just signed Salmons as a free agent to a pretty big contract, and also brought in Maggette and praised him as the one player they needed that would give them that extra edge (Sidenote: Sat about 4 seats over from this guy at an Usher concert. We were second row, and everyone was standing and watching Usher. Except for Corey, he was sitting down with his face buried in his iPhone acting like he was too cool to actually watch Usher. Total dbag.) Now with this single trade they were pretty much saying they were 100% wrong about the team and needed to do a 180. (This trade also gave away the Bucks rights to Jimmer Fredette; I would’ve loved to have that kid on the Bucks, dumb move). This brings us to Stephen Jackson.

This guy is crazy. The things he said at media day were insane. Okay, we are going to play a game. Here are 5 quotes from Stephen Jackson from Media Day, except one of them isn’t real. Can you guess which one?

  • “If I’m shot, I’ma get stitched and play the next game. I got hit by a car and played two days later.”
  • “Dallas sucks to me”
  • “Was there a lockout? I don’t know, I wasn’t even watching the news, I wasn’t affected by the lockout, I don’t have money problems. Yeah I wasn’t playing basketball, but I can’t control that. I was doing my music stuff at the time.” (See all these idiots think they can rap, see Stevie Johnson.)
  • “My name is Slash, I play whatever. I played center in Golden State, I played four in Golden State. Wherever I need to be man, I’m just ready to play. I’ll guard anybody, I’ll do anything.”
  • “If guys come in here not focused on a championship, just making the playoffs, we need to trade them. We need to be talking about championships and nothin’ else. You can’t limit yourself to just playoffs. Who wants to do that? Playoffs is not really an achievement to me. Anybody can get to the playoffs.”

(You guys should have seen the Microsoft Word Autocorrect feature while I typed this. Had to go back and rechange words to their improper format way too much. Pretty much the whole thing is underlined red and green right now.)

If you said C, well then, Sorry! It was a trick question. Stephen Jackson actually said all of these things!!! How exciting is that? This guy is going to light up the Not Top 10. What are the odds of him going on a famous “practice”/”playoffs?” rant this season?! 3:1? Now here comes the fun part of the column, let’s break these previous five quotes down to take a look at the craziness.

  • Right off the bat, “If I’m shot,” Is being shot really one of the things that Stephen Jackson worries about so much that he needs to talk about it to the media. He must been watching some news and have seen how crazy Milwaukee can be. And when did he get hit with a car and play two days after? I would really like to know this. Is he just pulling a Jalen Rose and pulling crazy stories out of his ass, we need Jacoby to slow him down.
  • I actually really love this one. Being a LeBron James fan, and therefore a Heat fan, I hate the Mavericks. But anyway, love how Jackson acts like the Mavericks mean nothing to him. How can he not give that team respect? Golden State didn’t beat the Heat or the Mavs once last year. Is he that arrogant, or just that stupid?
  • He didn’t know there was a lockout? Didn’t he notice that training camp didn’t start, and no one was playing games? Hmm. Well at least he doesn’t have money problems (yet). His ex-wife/fiancé/girlfriend or whatever she was on Basketball Wives is obviously still profiting off his cash, and all the child support/alimony he has to pay. Pretty soon his $19 million over the next 2 years won’t seem like that much.
  • Did he just give himself a nickname? Even Marcel the Shell knows you can’t give yourself a nickname. And is he referring to Slash as him being fast because that is not the case. I am hoping it is that he is a 4 SLASH 5 player but who knows with this guy. He could think that he is a Ninja or something.
  • The fact he thinks the Bucks can win a championship is comical. There is just no way. The East is a power conference with the Heat, Knicks, Celtics, Bulls, and Magic all being extremely better teams than the Bucks. Stephen Jackson needs to be checked into a mental hospital if he thinks the Bucks can actually win a championship.

If you ask me (which you all kind of did because you are reading this) he should be hoping for the playoffs, because that is truly what the city of Milwaukee needs right now. To have the feeling of 2009 back, and the spirit of “Fear the Deer.” I just hope that Stephen Jackson can play halfway decent on the court, and keep giving stellar performances like this one in the pressroom.

-Josh Becherer