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If you were able to pay money to “make it rain in the club” with any professional athletes which sport would they come from?  Personally, I would get unapologetically drunk with NBA players for the simple fact that they have absolutely no boundaries and will do and say just about anything they want, when they want, to just about whoever they want.  That to me is an extreme recipe for disaster and an extreme recipe for success to anyone who reads this blog.  Because of these shenanigans we here at CBTL are proud to be able to bring you the following:

NBA Extreme Team

Gilbert Arenas:

At one point Agent 0 said to J.J. Redick – “We’re the two best white shooters in the NBA.”  I have so much to say about this one, I don’t know where to begin.  Gilbert, look in the mirror… you’re not that white.  You’re also not that great of a shooter.  When this was said he wasn’t even cracking the top 30 of players who had the best 3pt shooting percentage in the league.  Stop smoking drugs.  And while you’re at it stop bringing guns to practice!  Regardless, you would be a brilliantly extreme hang.

Monta Ellis:

You gotta wonder when athletes are going to learn, you can’t text a photo of your dong, your big mac, albino cave dweller, bob dole, captain kirk, diamond cutter etc. to someone from your own phone.  Favre already went down this road and things didn’t turn out too well for him.   Attorney Burt Boltuch described the photo by saying, “It’s a very graphic color photo of an African American penis dangling there, with Warriors sweatpants lowered.”  Yeah, he use the phrase penis dangling…  Either way, Monta stop sending pics of your meat missile, your plonker, roman soldier, or zipper trout to people – it’s just not kosher.  Regardless, you would be a brilliantly extreme hang.

Chris Andersen Aka Birdman:

This guy found drugs.  There’s no question in my mind about it.  Birdman used to look like this – He now looks like this.  ESPN the Magazine’s Chris Palmer wrote that Anderson “began to develop a rep as a hard partier.  He inhaled Jack & Cokes like a wet vac and could make a case of Bud Light disappear by himself.”  That quote says it all about this dude.  He’s somewhat cleaned up his act as of late.  Regardless, I think after a bit of coaxing, you would be a brilliantly extreme hang.

Charles Barkley:

Spitting on a fan? Check.  Assaults? Check.  DUI? Check.  Throwing a grown man through a plate glass window??? I’m proud for Charles to be able to say Double Check!

He says what he wants when he wants to whoever will listen.  Unfortunately, he signed a contract with Weight Watchers which will probably keep him in check about what he says about his weight loss………. Or not.  I tell you what Charles that’s tuuurrrrible.  Regardless, you would be a brilliantly extreme hang.

Dennis Rodman:

We all knew he’d end up on this list.  Of all of the crazy BS this guy has done I would say the funniest of his antics has to be when he squared up and released a swift kick to the melons of some unlucky cameraman.  In this video he owns up to it but says he could have done something a lot worse than kicking him… like punching him in the teeth I suppose.  This is the kind of outburst I would love to see happen at a nightclub full of large meatheads drinking Jaeger bombs.  Piss Dennis off and you will face a definite onslaught of guns, knives, ninja stars, etc… I’m seriously talking anything goes with Rodman.  You might say he’s a bit strange, maybe you’d even consider him crazy.  Regardless, he would be a brilliantly extreme hang.

AND THE NUMBER 1 NBA PLAYER I WOULD BE SMITTENED TO GET SHITCANNED WITH IS:

Ladies and gentleman, he’s the current holder of the longest suspension in NBA history for longest non-drug or gambling related suspension, weighing in at 260 pounds -Your very own METTA WORLD PEEEEEEEEACE!!!  *crowd goes wild*

This guys a first class schmuck…

While with the Houston Rockets Metta was quoted as saying his violent past actions were a reflection of his “ghetto culture”.  Well isn’t that special.

Metta was voted scariest man in the NBA at one point and is consistently described as a loose cannon.  Oh and did I mention at one point he wanted an entire year off of hoops to promote his rap album Allure.

Bonus Bonehead Quote:

“I used to steal cookies from the store as a kid.  I got real good.  I used to steal about four packages a day.  It prepared me for the league.”

He won a championship with the Lakers (and recorded a rap about it).  And now Metta World Peace reminds me of a YMCA old man league champion destined for greatness that just so have happened to snort a handful of the white stuff (I’m talking rocks).

Regardless, this video is why you would be the most brilliant of brilliantly extreme hangs.

Runners Up – Aka Other Schmucks I’d Like To Get Extremely Drunk With:

Stephen Jackson

Latrell Sprewell

Rasheed Wallace

Brian Scalabrine

– B EXTREME!

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